stringertheory | A Hundred and One

Title: A Hundred and One
Rating: PG
Fandom: Stargate SG-1
Characters: Jack, Laira
Word Count: 1918
Categories: angst, romance, drama
Spoilers/Warnings: Set during Season 6, shortly after the events of "Abyss". Spoilers for Season 3 episode "A Hundred Days".
Summary: Laira wasn't the only one left behind when Jack returned to Earth from Edora. But Jack doesn't know that.

Notes: Extra special thank yous are due to

nobleplatypus, who pimped me out, and

ember_firedrake, who answered the call and became my awesome beta. THANK YOU!

He planned to go back. He did.

But once Jack was home, back on Earth, back with the SGC, things became complicated. It became easier and easier to put off the return trip, to wait a bit longer. There were always practical, logical reasons for the delay: there were missions that had been postponed while he was away or there was the imminent threat of world obliteration to contend with or he had paperwork to finish. He wasn't able to return for practical reasons and never because of the mass of conflicted emotions that rose in him at the thought of facing Edora, of facing her again.

After three years, all the practical reasons he'd used were starting to look more like weak excuses.

He needed to go back, if only one last time, if only to keep his promise. Then he could say goodbye properly and finally, if that seemed the best thing to do. If not, going back a second time would be much easier after the first. Whatever the outcome, he had to visit Edora again.

Nagged by guilt, he requested permission for the visit, which Hammond readily granted, muttering about Jack "needing time off after that last incident." Jack doubted the trip would be very restful, but agreed with the general anyway. The others asked if he would like company, but he assured them that he preferred to go alone. Of them all, Jonas was the one who best understood.

"It's never easy going back," he said simply, leaning against the locker room doorjamb while Jack packed a small bag.

Jack glanced up to find Jonas watching him with knowing eyes. "No, it isn't." He shouldered his bag and brushed past Jonas into the hall.

Two days after being given permission for the off-world social call, Jack found himself walking through a Stargate on the opposite end of a wormhole from Earth, staring at land that was still incredibly familiar. By some measure of chance or fate or bitter irony, his return had coincided with the same early autumn season that had seen his last goodbye. It felt as if he had been gone no more than a day or two. No one was around, but he knew that the path just ahead and to the left would lead him to a small, bustling village. Taking a deep breath, he headed in that direction.

News spread quickly of his arrival, no doubt from the small boy he had seen on the bridge just outside of the town. On spotting Jack, the boy had immediately darted off in the direction of the small cluster of buildings that made up the village. Locals began trickling from the closest homes to greet him, and Jack braced himself for the welcome. There were handshakes and slaps on the back and even a few hugs, faces he remembered not quite connecting to names he had forgotten, but all happy enough to see him again. A few people exchanged sly grins as he extricated himself from the crowd and headed toward one house in particular, nerves and guilt and embarrassment slowing his steps the closer he drew to the front door.

He came to a halt a few yards away as that same door swung open and the one person he had come to see stepped out into the light. She carried a bowl of dirty water, which she tipped into the scrub at the corner of the building. His mind raced through the memories he still had of her, of the way she had looked the last time he was at her door. Her hair was longer, he noted, and a bit lighter than he remembered, no doubt from spending time outdoors during the summer that was just beginning to fade. As she turned to head back inside, Jack spoke.

"Hello, Laira."

She stopped mid-step, head snapping up and eyes locking with his. Shock flitted across her face, followed closely by cautious joy. She smiled warmly and started toward him as he did the same toward her, closing the distance between them with a few steps.

"Jack."

"Hi," he said, giving her a crooked, uncertain grin. He searched her face for any sign of anger or bitterness, but all he could see was the same gentle happiness he remembered seeing there so long before.

She looked up at him for a long moment before placing the bowl she held on the ground and hugging him tightly. He returned the embrace after a second of hesitation, closing his eyes against the memories welling up inside him.

"It is good to see you," Laira said, voice muffled slightly by the fact that she had her face buried in his shoulder.

"You, too," he replied. He took a deep breath, and the familiar scent of her hair made his head swim slightly as he collected his thoughts. "Laira," he began, "I'm sorry about how long - "

"I understand," she said, cutting him off and pulling away. Though there was no blame in her eyes, he wasn't entirely convinced and something in his face must have said so, for she placed a hand on his arm. "I understood when you left. I still do."

"I'm sorry," he repeated sincerely, guilt and not a little shame still heavy in his gut.

She smiled again, her hand sliding down his arm to grasp his own. Jack opened his mouth to speak, but at that moment something knocked into him at knee height. Glancing down, he found a small girl, not more than two or three years of age, had wrapped her arms around his right leg. She had a cherub face and a head full of dark blond curls and was looking up at him brightly. Relieved at the temporary distraction, he unwound her arms from around his leg before bending down and pulling her in front of him. She grinned at him, reaching up to grab his nose.

"And who is this?" he asked, giving the girl a tickle. She giggled and squirmed in his grasp, gibbering at him in some child language he didn't even bother to try to decipher.

"Mina," came Laira's quiet reply, "my daughter."

Jack glanced up sharply, shock loosening his grip. The child wriggled again, escaping from his slack hands and toddling over to play in the dirt of the lane nearby. Her mother continued to stare at Jack, her expression answering the question he couldn't bring himself to ask. Eyes dark with warring emotions, he turned to watch the child as she built piles of dirt in the road, singing a made-up tune to herself. Jack and Laira were silent for a few long seconds, neither looking at the other.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was not sure until after you had already left."

"You could have, I don't know, sent a message or something: 'Hi, Jack. Weather's great here. You're going to be a dad. Love, Laira.'" He ran a hand through his hair and stood, glancing in her direction. Laira watched him quietly, calmly. She sighed and retrieved the bowl from where she had placed it on the ground before gesturing to the open door.

"Come in, Jack. Let us talk."

He followed her inside, sitting at the table while she wiped the bowl clean and put it away. Then she joined him, lowering herself gently into a chair and placing her folded hands on the table.

"As I told you, I understood. When you left, I understood. From the beginning, I knew I was not getting all of you, that there was a part of you that would never be able to let go of the life you had before you came here, a part of you that would always want to go back. That was why I did not say anything, even though I suspected I was with child before your friends came back to Edora. I knew you could not stay, not when there was a way for you to return to your own world, and I would not have asked it of you."

"You should have told me."

"You couldn't stay."

"But I would have come back sooner," he pressed. "More often. I will."

She shook her head, eyes sad. "I do not think you should return."

"Why?" he asked, confused and a little hurt.

"You are not needed here." He started to speak but she placed her hand over his on the table, stilling his protest. "Wanted, but not needed. You are needed elsewhere, and there are many other places you want to be. I would not keep you from that, and you would not be able to stay away from it." She patted his hand and smiled softly. "We will be fine, Jack. I will be fine." She looked through the open doorway at her daughter - their daughter - who was drawing lines in the dirt. "And Mina is loved. She is not the only child without a father, nor will she be the last to be so. She knows of her father, that he was an important and special man who loved her very much."

"'Was'?" Jack asked quietly. Laira turned to him with a gentle expression on her face.

"It is easier that way. I would prefer you be a story she is told rather than someone who is always walking away, someone who by choice is not here. It would be too difficult for her to understand. One day, when she is old enough, I will tell her everything, and perhaps then she will look for you. But until then, it is enough that she knows she is loved," she looked to Jack, "by both of us." She stood and placed a hand on his cheek. "I wanted a child, and you gave me that gift," she said, a heartbreaking smile on her lips. "I will never be able to repay you for the joy Mina has brought to my life. She has allowed me to keep a part of you here. I will not ask to keep more. I know you cannot stay, Jack, so I think you should go."

"Laira - "

"Please," she interrupted, walking to the doorway. "It will hurt less this way. For all of us."

A breeze blew through the door, ruffling her hair and bringing in the sound of their child at play. Jack stood as well, crossing to the doorway and looking from Laira to the little girl just outside. Laira took his face in her hands and stretched up to kiss him softly.

"I do not regret a single day we had."

He brushed a finger across her cheek. "Ditto."

He stepped out onto the dirt path, stopping to kneel beside Mina. When he ran a gentle hand over her head, she glanced up at him, and he felt his stomach jump. She had his eyes and her round face was just starting to show the angles she had inherited from her mother. He knelt there for a minute, drinking in the sight of her, memorizing her every feature. Then he stood and brushed at his knees before turning to Laira, who was watching him quietly. She gave him a smile.

"Fair day and be well, Jack."

"Fair day, Laira."

He paused to look down at his child, his daughter, one last time. Then, with a final look over his shoulder at Laira standing in the door, Jack turned and headed back to the Stargate.